I was REALLY blessed by today's Living Life devotion.
Ironically, I haven't really supported Living Life because I've often dismissed it as a Bible-reading "crutch", with its oversimplified Biblical analyses and its over-drawn applications. You can't forget the cheesier than my dad's 7-cheese macaroni ending prayer called "A Letter to God", either.
STILL YET, something compelled me to click the link that's conveniently provided by the All Nations Church College Group website, ANC College Group Website
The link to the Devotion I'd like to talk about is here, as well.
2 Chronicles 33:10~25
One thing God has really been opening my eyes to is "inner-healing". Now, I'll define what inner healing is according to my father's 200-page dissertation I have here on my desk next to me at this moment:
"A ministry in the power of the Holy Spirit aimed at bringing healing to the whole person" (Kang 5)
Here's the background:
I began harboring deep unforgiveness ever since something of my former boyfriend's past was brought to the light. It's irrelevant to discuss specifics, but the underlying issue is that I existed as a pathetic, hurting, bitter creature for quite some time. I needed release from this judgment I pressed not only on him, but on my family, my friends, my colleagues. I needed healing.
Here's where the Living Life devotion comes in...
"People show mercy only when it is warranted or earned, and even then not every time.
Manasseh was without question one of the most wicked kings of Judah. He corrupted an entire generation so thoroughly that even when he tried to make reforms, people were stuck in their wicked ways (v. 17)."
I learned only briefly about King Manasseh's transformation in my Old Testament Survey class my Freshman year at Biola. He was an evil king that made laws for people to worship God, but he turned from his evil ways, sought forgiveness from God, and GOD HEARD HIM. From that point on, King Manasseh sought to undo evil to make the glory of God known.
What a loving smack in the face by God himself!!!!!! He forgave Manasseh, God can forgive ME. Who am I to play with my cards so that only certain people in my life receive the forgiveness I exhibit only with earned, merited favor? I'm pathetic. God's love is never-ending, boundless, limitless, powerful, redemptive, life-saving, perfect, graceful, captivating, everything we could ever hope for or even imagine...and there I was...
There I was, xhibiting the symptoms of serious ailment, sulking in depression, delighting in other's failures, beaming with bitterness, all because of my own inability to perceive how wide and encapsulating the grace of GOD is to cover ALL.
Well, my point in this post is not to justify Living Life as the "end-all-be-all survivor guide/ the minimum you can do for God to release favor upon you". It's rather to discuss the power of God's word in this book to supplement HIS divine hands working in my life. It started with my dad counseling me last night when I was hanging out in his room. He literally asked God to release all bound emotions, all bound memories, and to return it back. He asked for healing, that I would find complete fulfillment and satisfaction in Christ alone, and that I would be heart-healthy. My dad was asking so easily that I almost thought he didn't HEAR or UNDERSTAND what I was telling him. But I was wrong. My dad was praying because he knew the truth that God listened, and that God heals.
"The LORD spoke to Manasseh and his people, but they paid no attention.
11
So the LORD brought against them the army commanders of the king of Assyria, who took Manasseh prisoner, put a hook in his nose, bound him with bronze shackles and took him to Babylon.
12
In his distress he sought the favor of the LORD his God and humbled himself greatly before the God of his fathers.
13
And when he prayed to him, the LORD was moved by his entreaty and listened to his plea; so he brought him back to Jerusalem and to his kingdom. Then Manasseh knew that the LORD is God. "
THE LORD HEARD MANASSEH! He hears me.
I'm tired so I've really got to stop writing soon..but I just want to end this post claiming that I'm encouraged, and that I'm walking with hope that God is healing me every single day, and depending and trusting on God to heal me and release me is the best thing I've done for myself in the past couple days. I can't even explain it.
Goodnight. Sorry if this is all jumbled and doesn't make sense.
Monday, December 21, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
Post the Twentieth
Due to the unpopular demand by a certain individual, I shall start posting again. Namely, Yohan Yoon.
I'm currently in a state of restful solitude. I have been put here by God. I shall document my journey, or at the least, the beginning of it...in hopes that you will hold me accountable in transcribing the evolution of my heart as God works faithfully in me.
Here we go...
Psalm 51
1 Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are proved right when you speak
and justified when you judge.
5 Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Surely you desire truth in the inner parts [a] ;
you teach [b] me wisdom in the inmost place.
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will turn back to you.
14 Save me from bloodguilt, O God,
the God who saves me,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
15 O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 The sacrifices of God are [c] a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.
18 In your good pleasure make Zion prosper;
build up the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then there will be righteous sacrifices,
whole burnt offerings to delight you;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.
Jon Foreman's Winter EP has been playing on repeat. Pathetic enough, this has been made possible only by the sharing of music libraries via Stewart's LAN. Thank goodness for iTunes. Lately, I've been obsessed with "White As Snow". Jon Foreman perfects the embodiment of Christian-inspired "indie" in this song. He nails it. Neverthless, the lyrics are drawn stark from Psalm 51. I did not know this until last night while rummaging through old ANCCG jubo's.
What should easily have been overlooked and tossed in the trash became a neatly cut rectangle glued to my journal page. For those of who you don't know, I invested $20 at the Biola Bookstore in a Moleskine notebook...for the sake of my own sanity. Blogging made me impatient and want to delete everything I'd ever written. Thus, I figured writing in something more concrete made it harder for me to delete...since ripping pages out of a $20 journal is just plain violent and a complete display of disrespect toward the brains of the past who used Moleskines. I digress.
Upon reading this rectangle of words, I shouted, "EUREKA!!!" I thought He'd done it again. The good Lord had spoken to me. I grabbed the nearest book which quite nicely happened to be my Bible, split it open in equal portions, and quickly found myself at Psalm 51. I felt an urgent need to start reading from the beginning, since this rectangle humbly quoted only verses 15-17.
I read the first line and started breaking out into song. Duh.
Is it as plain to you as it was to me last night? God put that song in my heart weeks prior to remind me that it was all in His will for Him to speak to me through this very Psalm today! This whimsical discovery was, at the heart, God clearly speaking to me. How do I know? I've grown a leap in faith.
There's something about faith in God that I've been reminded of...
Faith in God seems to grow when you realize more of God's faithfulness. Think about it. when you start forgetting about God's faithfulness in your life, you start losing faith. There must be SOMETHING about God's faithfulness then that I still believe in Him, that I'm still grasping onto Him, that I haven't been led astray.
Perhaps I can't elaborate on the actual practicality of this Psalm in my current situation...but all I want to say is that. It hit me like a train. God is good. I apologize for leaving a blinking cursor at the end of this post. | <-should appear to blink if you look very closely.
I'm currently in a state of restful solitude. I have been put here by God. I shall document my journey, or at the least, the beginning of it...in hopes that you will hold me accountable in transcribing the evolution of my heart as God works faithfully in me.
Here we go...
Psalm 51
1 Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are proved right when you speak
and justified when you judge.
5 Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Surely you desire truth in the inner parts [a] ;
you teach [b] me wisdom in the inmost place.
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will turn back to you.
14 Save me from bloodguilt, O God,
the God who saves me,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
15 O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 The sacrifices of God are [c] a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.
18 In your good pleasure make Zion prosper;
build up the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then there will be righteous sacrifices,
whole burnt offerings to delight you;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.
Jon Foreman's Winter EP has been playing on repeat. Pathetic enough, this has been made possible only by the sharing of music libraries via Stewart's LAN. Thank goodness for iTunes. Lately, I've been obsessed with "White As Snow". Jon Foreman perfects the embodiment of Christian-inspired "indie" in this song. He nails it. Neverthless, the lyrics are drawn stark from Psalm 51. I did not know this until last night while rummaging through old ANCCG jubo's.
What should easily have been overlooked and tossed in the trash became a neatly cut rectangle glued to my journal page. For those of who you don't know, I invested $20 at the Biola Bookstore in a Moleskine notebook...for the sake of my own sanity. Blogging made me impatient and want to delete everything I'd ever written. Thus, I figured writing in something more concrete made it harder for me to delete...since ripping pages out of a $20 journal is just plain violent and a complete display of disrespect toward the brains of the past who used Moleskines. I digress.
Upon reading this rectangle of words, I shouted, "EUREKA!!!" I thought He'd done it again. The good Lord had spoken to me. I grabbed the nearest book which quite nicely happened to be my Bible, split it open in equal portions, and quickly found myself at Psalm 51. I felt an urgent need to start reading from the beginning, since this rectangle humbly quoted only verses 15-17.
I read the first line and started breaking out into song. Duh.
Is it as plain to you as it was to me last night? God put that song in my heart weeks prior to remind me that it was all in His will for Him to speak to me through this very Psalm today! This whimsical discovery was, at the heart, God clearly speaking to me. How do I know? I've grown a leap in faith.
There's something about faith in God that I've been reminded of...
Faith in God seems to grow when you realize more of God's faithfulness. Think about it. when you start forgetting about God's faithfulness in your life, you start losing faith. There must be SOMETHING about God's faithfulness then that I still believe in Him, that I'm still grasping onto Him, that I haven't been led astray.
Perhaps I can't elaborate on the actual practicality of this Psalm in my current situation...but all I want to say is that. It hit me like a train. God is good. I apologize for leaving a blinking cursor at the end of this post. | <-should appear to blink if you look very closely.
Monday, July 13, 2009
Post the Nineteenth
I really want an iPod so I can listen to music on-the-go.
My friend Christine Jung recommended that I enter the FML: Pull your nuttiest face! Contest where the only requirement is to hold a picture of the FML book cover or the real book and make a crazy face for people to vote on.
Initially, entering the contest didn't cross my mind even for a second, even if the grand prize was a yellow iPod with FML inscription. But after curiously browsing what others may have come up with, I completely changed my mind.
I must say, this inspires me.
My friend Christine Jung recommended that I enter the FML: Pull your nuttiest face! Contest where the only requirement is to hold a picture of the FML book cover or the real book and make a crazy face for people to vote on.
Initially, entering the contest didn't cross my mind even for a second, even if the grand prize was a yellow iPod with FML inscription. But after curiously browsing what others may have come up with, I completely changed my mind.
I must say, this inspires me.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Post the Seventeenth
A depressing thought about this blog has just dawned on me.
I have no focus. There is nothing quirky about this blog that could possibly appeal to the masses that lurk the internet each moment of the day. I need a focus. What can I direct my writing to? What is it that I am passionate about? Well, I thought about that.
I would like to write about science. However, seeing that I don't even have a scrawny B.S. degree in Biochemistry, I have no credibility whatsoever! I am not a researcher with a doctorate degree in anything to be able to write important anythings. I am merely a college kid who loves science-y stuff. I think I want to start writing about Darwinism, Christianity, Evolution, Naturalism, Christian theology, and scientific findings that support the Christian worldview.
The idea is still brewing. I hope I can come across something interesting for this blog. I really want to be challenged to write stuff like this, too, even if it's difficult.
No more rambling on this blog about unimportant anythings! (Well, maybe once in a great while.)
I have no focus. There is nothing quirky about this blog that could possibly appeal to the masses that lurk the internet each moment of the day. I need a focus. What can I direct my writing to? What is it that I am passionate about? Well, I thought about that.
I would like to write about science. However, seeing that I don't even have a scrawny B.S. degree in Biochemistry, I have no credibility whatsoever! I am not a researcher with a doctorate degree in anything to be able to write important anythings. I am merely a college kid who loves science-y stuff. I think I want to start writing about Darwinism, Christianity, Evolution, Naturalism, Christian theology, and scientific findings that support the Christian worldview.
The idea is still brewing. I hope I can come across something interesting for this blog. I really want to be challenged to write stuff like this, too, even if it's difficult.
No more rambling on this blog about unimportant anythings! (Well, maybe once in a great while.)
Post the Sixteenth
Generally consuming thought of the day: Boredom is killing me.
I wish I had a ceiling fan so I can race it with my head. You may think that is quite possibly the least entertaining thing I can do. However, at this point in time, I can't think of anything else I'd want to do more than to race a ceiling fan with my head.
Conclusion: I wish I had a ceiling fan so I can race it with my head.
I wish I had a ceiling fan so I can race it with my head. You may think that is quite possibly the least entertaining thing I can do. However, at this point in time, I can't think of anything else I'd want to do more than to race a ceiling fan with my head.
Conclusion: I wish I had a ceiling fan so I can race it with my head.
Saturday, June 13, 2009
Post the Fifteenth
I want to write more in my blog but I'm completely embarrassed of my previous posts. They are so petty and stupid, but instead of indulging my urge to go and delete them, I will push forward and try to write better from now on. I suppose it'll be nice to look back and see how I've developed and grown in my thought process.
At this very moment, I'm videochatting with Shawn and he hasn't a clue what I am doing right now. He is quite busy singing "Fly Me To The Moon" by Frank Sinatra. We don't always engage in steamy debates or dense conversation every time we videochat, but sometimes we just do whatever we normally would do, but we see each other. It's nice because it's each other's presence that we enjoy. It seems like he's right here in front of me. I like it. Of course this doesn't replace actually having him here but it's pretty nice to be able to do even this.
I don't really have a thesis or argument for this post. I just want to get back into writing, and I hope this gives me a little motivation to write about something cool next time, maybe something science-y, since I tend to really dig that kind of stuff.
Back to staring at Shawn while he serenades the screen, and perhaps quite possibly even me,
Michelle
At this very moment, I'm videochatting with Shawn and he hasn't a clue what I am doing right now. He is quite busy singing "Fly Me To The Moon" by Frank Sinatra. We don't always engage in steamy debates or dense conversation every time we videochat, but sometimes we just do whatever we normally would do, but we see each other. It's nice because it's each other's presence that we enjoy. It seems like he's right here in front of me. I like it. Of course this doesn't replace actually having him here but it's pretty nice to be able to do even this.
I don't really have a thesis or argument for this post. I just want to get back into writing, and I hope this gives me a little motivation to write about something cool next time, maybe something science-y, since I tend to really dig that kind of stuff.
Back to staring at Shawn while he serenades the screen, and perhaps quite possibly even me,
Michelle
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Post the Fourteenth
i'm listening to
enya - only time
whos that haha
DUDE
listen to it
lol why
i like it hahah
it's soothing..
i dont know much about the lyrics
but the music is soothing
one you'd listen to in a bath..
it's the one
they played
in friends
when chandler takes a bath
lol ok
lol
ok
do you know what episode i'm talking about
lol i dont want friends 
you dont want friends???
lol
watch
AHAPDFSlkjas;lkdjf;laksdjflkajsdf
enya - only time
whos that haha
DUDE
listen to it
lol why
i like it hahah
it's soothing..
i dont know much about the lyrics
but the music is soothing
one you'd listen to in a bath..
it's the one
they played
in friends
when chandler takes a bath
lol ok
lol
ok
do you know what episode i'm talking about
lol i dont want friends 
you dont want friends???
lol
watch
AHAPDFSlkjas;lkdjf;laksdjflkajsdf
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