Post the Twentieth

Due to the unpopular demand by a certain individual, I shall start posting again. Namely, Yohan Yoon.

I'm currently in a state of restful solitude. I have been put here by God. I shall document my journey, or at the least, the beginning of it...in hopes that you will hold me accountable in transcribing the evolution of my heart as God works faithfully in me.

Here we go...

Psalm 51

1 Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.

2 Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.

3 For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.

4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you are proved right when you speak
and justified when you judge.

5 Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.

6 Surely you desire truth in the inner parts [a] ;
you teach [b] me wisdom in the inmost place.

7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.

9 Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.

10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.

12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.

13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will turn back to you.

14 Save me from bloodguilt, O God,
the God who saves me,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.

15 O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.

16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.

17 The sacrifices of God are [c] a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.

18 In your good pleasure make Zion prosper;
build up the walls of Jerusalem.

19 Then there will be righteous sacrifices,
whole burnt offerings to delight you;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.

Jon Foreman's Winter EP has been playing on repeat. Pathetic enough, this has been made possible only by the sharing of music libraries via Stewart's LAN. Thank goodness for iTunes. Lately, I've been obsessed with "White As Snow". Jon Foreman perfects the embodiment of Christian-inspired "indie" in this song. He nails it. Neverthless, the lyrics are drawn stark from Psalm 51. I did not know this until last night while rummaging through old ANCCG jubo's.

What should easily have been overlooked and tossed in the trash became a neatly cut rectangle glued to my journal page. For those of who you don't know, I invested $20 at the Biola Bookstore in a Moleskine notebook...for the sake of my own sanity. Blogging made me impatient and want to delete everything I'd ever written. Thus, I figured writing in something more concrete made it harder for me to delete...since ripping pages out of a $20 journal is just plain violent and a complete display of disrespect toward the brains of the past who used Moleskines. I digress.

Upon reading this rectangle of words, I shouted, "EUREKA!!!" I thought He'd done it again. The good Lord had spoken to me. I grabbed the nearest book which quite nicely happened to be my Bible, split it open in equal portions, and quickly found myself at Psalm 51. I felt an urgent need to start reading from the beginning, since this rectangle humbly quoted only verses 15-17.

I read the first line and started breaking out into song. Duh.

Is it as plain to you as it was to me last night? God put that song in my heart weeks prior to remind me that it was all in His will for Him to speak to me through this very Psalm today! This whimsical discovery was, at the heart, God clearly speaking to me. How do I know? I've grown a leap in faith.

There's something about faith in God that I've been reminded of...

Faith in God seems to grow when you realize more of God's faithfulness. Think about it. when you start forgetting about God's faithfulness in your life, you start losing faith. There must be SOMETHING about God's faithfulness then that I still believe in Him, that I'm still grasping onto Him, that I haven't been led astray.

Perhaps I can't elaborate on the actual practicality of this Psalm in my current situation...but all I want to say is that. It hit me like a train. God is good. I apologize for leaving a blinking cursor at the end of this post. | <-should appear to blink if you look very closely.